This is It
by saltcircles
Summary: Short one-chapter story Destiel Fic about Cas' realisation for his human emotions and feelings for Dean, a look into the future of their relationship and the many twists and consequences of love.


"Well if you want to, just go."

"Fine."

And that was that. No heartfelt goodbyes. No teary apologies. He walked away from me like I was nothing more than a sweet memory being cleaned from the slate of his mind. How did this not hurt him? When it was tearing away at my insides, pulling me apart physically and mentally? I could feel my heart screaming inside my chest, how could you do this to me? I watched his back, walking away from me, taking my sanity with him. My lovely human, all I had ever known was love, how you could rip this from me so sweet and tender without even a grimace.

I sat on the ground, wondering where I could go, what I could do. Without him I had no idea. Without him I didn't see much point. So why was I just letting him walk away? Why couldn't I form a sentence, a word even a syllable from my unmoving lips? Life was just an unanswered question without this person by my side.

Stupid.

That's what I am.

Looking up, weary eyes searching for green, he was gone. Nothing but a shadow of his presence.

I'm running. Where? I don't know. I don't know where I am, this isn't my home, and I'm not from this world. My little profound bond, where are you now? I'm shouting but nobody was listening, the world, cold-heartened, turned away from me giving me no hope. My coat is torn at the edges from scathing on the tree branches, but this time I don't care, I don't care about anything but him. There's a sign, I try to read the name but my vision is blurred, something is blocking my sight. Tears? I'm crying? Holy Sh-

No. This is human. I'm actually human.

I need to tell Dean. That is my first thought. I need to find him. We can do all the things we've ever wanted to do, over and over.

"_God damnit, Cas. Actually spray the car with the hose instead of me!" _

"_But Deaaan, this is much more fun!" I love the way his body glistens with such glorious beauty, how one human can be so perfect is unreal to me. I have seen angels and nothing compares to this sight in front of me. My own personal angel. He looks up at me and I can tell you, that look could make ice-cream melt. His eyes illuminate brighter than the stars (which I can tell you, are pretty bright) and I can tell by his expression that I'm looking at him in exactly the same way. Is this it? Is this love? Am I feeling this so human emotion so raw and untouched? I like it. No. I love it. I don't want this to change._

_The car is looking pretty dry considering that our actual purpose was to clean it, whereas looking at each other we're pretty sodden. This is too fun._

_I'm winning._

_I look over at his face, so scrunched up in concentration, his fingers smashing down on the buttons of his controller, he's so damn adorable. I don't know how I'm winning really, there seems to be no real skill to the game, just run around and kill some zombies. Ah, zombies. This game seems to have them all wrong. Created so mindlessly stupid, running into my character who appears to have an enormous machete. Can they really not see their upcoming death? However that could be the reason why the game is so enjoyable, being so easily able to kill a monster who is in real life only killed by a head wound. These ones seem to go down easily with just a machete in the stomach. Ridiculous._

_But if Dean enjoys these games, then I should most definitely try. He's seen zombies too, he knows what they're really like, if he still finds the game fun then I should too, shouldn't I? _

_What makes this moment even more hilarious and loveable is the way that even though I find the game seemingly condescending to zombies, whereas Dean finds it entertaining, I am still winning over him. I love the way that he huffs in anger and scrunches his eyes together, his mouth forming an alarmingly feminine pout which is absolutely gorgeous. _

I cherish these thoughts of the future. My beloved. I need to find him, tell him.

Smoke. In the distance, could it be Dean leading me to him? Could he be feeling the same? I sprint towards the smoke signals, smiling, shouting his name. My future is flashing before me, us in white, two gold rings, children, I want it all. I want a family and a future with this man.

No.

This is not the smoke of a signal, this is the smoke of an accident.

I stop in my tracks, my future is shattered, and my eyes do not want to see. I do not want to see. Is this it? I know it is, even from a distance I can recognise the '67 Chevy Impala. Dean's pride and joy. Of course in my mind I knew it was him, it was his car. But my heart told me not to believe it. Someone stole the car from him and crashed it by accident, running away from the scene. Dean jumped out of the car before it crashed.

Each footstep is heavy, as I draw nearer to the site my heart aches, I don't want this to be true. I trace my fingers along the back of the car, feeling the bumps and slashes in the side. The bonnet is completely smashed, crushed into the side of the tree like it belonged there. But it didn't, it shouldn't be there. Slowly, I move towards the window, and I look in.

Its him.

I yank open the door, please just let me get closer to him. He falls into my arms, coughing. Oh Dean. I'm crying again, but this time it's not a revelation of love, it's a realisation of my love being drained away. I'm not just crying, I'm sobbing, my throat is tearing up. I feel something on my cheek; his fingers gently brush away my tears. I look down at him, at his sore and dirtied face, he's looking back at me with dull green eyes. The light is burning out. I don't have long left.

"Dean…Dean." What is happening? I can barely speak, my throat catching on his name in between my sobs. But yet he is calm, even in death.

"Cas… It's okay. Baby. I'll be fine." He laughs, but it makes it worse as he starts to choke on the blood in his throat. "I'm s…so sorry. I love you."

Did he? It completely stops me in my tracks. He said it, he loves me. Dean loves me. I can't even believe it. I have to save him so we can live our lives together, grow old together. I look down at his face.

"Dean! I love…" No. No no no no no. He's gone. His blank eyes are staring back up at me, lips parted slightly but no breath coming from within. I don't want this. This shouldn't be happening. I didn't even get chance to tell him. I didn't tell him that I loved him.

Shaking his body, I put my face into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. This is not normal for me, I can normally contain human emotions, but these sobs coming from me are hysterical. My baby, I didn't even get to tell him that I loved him. Did he die knowing I loved him? Did he die thinking I didn't? It's killing me that I will never know. I'll never know. He'll never be back. He's gone now. Gone forever. Is it my fault? If we hadn't argued would he have gone on a drive? If I'd have ran after him would we be embracing in love?

Something tells me that I won't last long. How long has it been? Hours? I'm not leaving him. I'm not leaving this body that gave me humanity and adoration, friendship when I needed it, helping me in so many ways possible. My stomach growls at me furiously but again I tell it to leave me alone, I won't listen.

I lie down with my head on his chest. This is it. I don't want life without him. Will this gun kill me? Well, I won't find out if I don't try will I-?


End file.
